Deeply missed but never forgotten

Esther Wong Peak Kuan

1986~2005

We miss you in so many ways,

We miss things you used to say,

Sweet memories will linger forever,

Time cannot change them... well, it's true,

And when old times we do recall,

It's when we miss you most of all,

Years that may come cannot sever,

Our loving remembrance of you.

Dear sis,

8 years has passed, yet 

it's so hard to believe that you're really gone 

and to know that we'll no longer 

see your smiling face, 

or hear the sound of your laughter. 

You left so many memories, which'll never part. 

You'll always live deep inside our hearts. 

We're thankful that God graced us 

with someone as special as you. 

It's just hard to believe 

your life on earth is really through... 

You may be gone, 

but, 

you are always on our mind.

Deep in our heart,

there is always a place,

where your presence is felt,

forever...

In loving memory of late

Esther Wong Peak Kuan

who has returned to Lord

on the 20th April 2005

deeply missed but never forgotten...

*Amitabha Buddha*

Remember you... always...

Esther Wong Peak Kuan

1986-2005

If tears could build a stairway

and thoughts a memory lane

we'd walk right up to heaven
and bring you home again
No Farewell words were spoken
No time to say good-bye

You were gone before we knew it

And only God knows why.

Our heart still hurt
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No one can ever know.
But now we know you want us

To mourn for you no more
To remember all the happy times
Life still has much in store.

Since you'll never be forgotten
we pledge to you today
A hallowed place within our heart

Is where you'll always stay.

God knows why, with chilling touch,
Death gathers those we love so much,

And what now seems so strange and dim,
Will all be clear, when we meet again

someday... in the Pureland...

Dear sis,

It's been 7 years since you left us. We could still remember vividly how happy you were celebrating your 20th birthday. Everyone was there to see how beautiful you'd grown. You dressed so well, and you were excited when we sang you birthday song. You were delighted, basking under the lime light. I'm sure you had a great joy that night. Who would had ever thought, that a month later, you'd leave us... forever. I remembered sending you to the hospital on that fateful day for your usual blood transfusion.

It was just like any other ordinary day, nothing special except that you were looking forward to your coming Langkawi Thalassaemia conference scheduled at the end of April. We thought that would be a memorable family trip and everyone was so excited about the trip. You were going to give a talk during the conference. However, our dreams shattered when I received a call from the hospital on that fateful evening, 20th April 2005. Mum and I thought something must had gone amiss when we drove to the hospital to find out what the problem was. Mum was so worried and she prayed hard that you were alright, so was I. However, when we reached the hospital, the doctor broke the news that you'd left us... I dreaded to think of it again as it hurts whenever I picture you laying on the bed motionless.

However, I'm happy that you suffer no more now. We hope you've found peace and equanimity. And I know, what ever you are, what ever you are doing now, Lord Buddhas and Bodhisattvas are guiding you... always... Amitabha.

In loving memory of late

Esther Wong Peak Kuan

who has returned to Lord

on the 20th April 2005

deeply missed but never forgotten...

*Amitabha Buddha*

I know... but I'll wait for your final revelation, 2 years from now

It's an unforgettable Friday. Not only Malaysia failed to move to the final after being defeated by China, I've also finally got the answer which I've longed for from you.

It was an answer I expected you would tell. I've told you everything. You are kind enough to tell me yours though vaguely. I wish to ask more, I wish to know more. There are still some I've yet to find out... But perhaps it's good to let faith take its course for now. I respect your decision...

(Courtesy of Mun Li and Canon Cai)

There are many things I wish to tell from the bottom of my heart. I wish to write more but right now, perhaps I shall pause for a while. You told me that you'll reveal if I still wanna know, 2 years from now. I shall wait... coz it's the final revelation that will finally unveil everything which is left unanswered..


I shall wait... I shall...

I wish to tell you how I feel

I've been thinking a lot these days. I've tried to control my mind not to think but image of your face keeps flashing in my fragile mind, like projector playing in the cinema. It's hard not to catch a glimpse of your face in my picture album. I recall the time we dined, we watched movies, and we shopped for your new house stuffs together. I was indeed happy and delirious when I go out with you. The feelings are hard to describe. It was a mixture of excitement, fun, euphoria, spellbound, or whatever you call it. All I know is I always look forward to going out with you.

I've always thought that you would feel the same. However, lately I begin to ask myself if I've been sensing the wrong thing. I've always thought that you share the same feeling as I feel. Could I have been too sensitive that I may perhaps misunderstood? Perhaps all this while you only want to be friends? Perhaps I'm only playing my own psychology game. Perhaps it was a one side love all the while. Or perhaps you have never thought of me being your partner. Perhaps, there was nothing ever happen... Perhaps it was only me who has the feeling...

Too many perhaps... that I don't know if I should continue pursuing this. I sense that you are avoiding me alot these days. I must have landed you in an embarrassing situation all the time. If I've messed up you life a lot, shall I forget about my feelings?

It's really hard to forget and move on.... What should I do? I wish could I tell you how I feel...

Happy Mother's Day - We love you mum^^

This entry is dedicated to my beloved mum, Mdm. Chan Choy Hoong.

Dear mum,

I'm happy to be your son. You've never lamented no matter how tired you are. You are the source of my inspiration, the candle in the dark, shining your love in to our life. I've lost count how many times you sacrificed for the sake of our well being.


I still remember the darkest time in my life when I injured my back so badly that I could hardly walk for a year. Just when I thought the whole world was gone, you were there for me, with tender wings and you carried me, you lifted me up when I couldn't even walk at all. I felt ashamed for troubling you.


At the age of 25, I should be walking on my own feet then. I remembered the trouble you took to look after me during that hard times. You gave up your work just to suit my therapy schedule.I remembered every morning you drove me to Stadium for swimming, the exercise recommended by the physiotherapist.


You waited for me outside for an hour while I finished my swimming routine. After swimming, you sent me to hospital Ipoh for physiotherapy on alternate days. When you knew that there was a well known chiropractic in town, you decided to send me there for therapy.


I was angry at myself for giving you so much trouble, for not being able to walk, for creating so much hassle in your life, being a burden to the family at that time. But you told me it was ok, for you were happy as long as you see your children growing healthy and happy. "It doesn't matter how long it takes, as long as I see you recovering, the effort is worth taking."


Everyday you sent me to chiropractic therapy until my condition improved. It was a mental torture when I had slipped disk but you were always there to encourage me not to give up. Your soothing words were the most beautiful sound on earth. Like an angel, you extended you hands and guided me through the ordeal.

The sacrifices that you have made were uncountable. No amount of words could describe the love and care you've shown us. Your sacrifices are as vast as the ocean. Yet you have never asked for any rewards being a wonderful mother. All you ask from God is to see your children growing healthy and happy.

Such a selfless act can only be express by dedicated parents and for that, mum, I really thank God for giving me a chance to be your son. I thank God for having a wonderful mum like you.I know I may not be able to pay back for all the sacrifices that you've made but I'll love you forever. Thank you for being who you are and I really appreciate that. You are always my wonderful mum.

Happy Mother's Day.

I wish can tell... I can't fight this feeling any longer

I wish I can tell but I know it's not the right time to tell... I've tried my best to understand your situation and I wait. I wish I could understand you better, and open your heart. There are many things that I wish to tell. However, I've little confidence. What would you reply if I ask? Will you avoid me? I'm afraid you would. I don't hope so....

But I'm confused. What shall I do? Why is God fooling me? If only life can be much simpler...But if life were simple, I wouldn't have known the feelings, the unexplainable feelings which I wish to share with you...

I wish I know how you feel, at least I know if we share the same feelings... but if I ask, will you keep silence and avoid me? I don't know... if only God could tell me what I should do?

CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEELING (Reo Speedwagon)
I can't fight this feeling any longer.
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow.
What started out as friendship,
Has grown stronger.

I only wish I had the strength to let it show.
I tell myself that I can't hold OUT forever.I said there is no reason for my fear.
Cause I feel so secure when we're together.
You give my life direction,
You make everything so clear.

And even as I WANDER,
I'm keeping you in sight.
You're a candle in the window,On a cold, dark winter's night.
And I'm getting closer than I ever THOUGHT I MIGHT.

And I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
It's time to bring this ship into the shore,
And throw away the oars, forever.

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
And if I have to crawl upon the floor,
Come crashing through your door,
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you.
I've been running round in circles in my mind.
And it always seems that I'm following you, girl,
Cause you take me to the places,That alone I'd never find.

And even as I wander,
I'm keeping you in sight.
You're a candle in the wind,
On a cold, dark winter's night.
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might.

And I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
It's time to bring this ship into the shore,And throw away the oars, forever.

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
And if I have to crawl upon the floor,
Come crashing through your door,Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.

In Loving Memory of Esther Wong Peak Kuan

Esther Wong Peak Kuan
1986-2005

We Thought Of You Today

We thought of you today,

But that is nothing new.

We thought of you yesterday

And will tomorrow, too.

We think of you in silence
And make no outward show.
For what it meant to lose you
Only those who love you know.

Remembering you is easy,
We do it everyday.
It's the heartache of losing you
That will never go away.

Dear sister,

5 years has passed, yet
it's so hard to believe that you're really gone
and to know that we'll no longer
see your smiling face,
or hear the sound of your laughter.
You left so many memories, which'll never part.
You'll always live deep inside our hearts.
We're thankful that God graced us
with someone as special as you.
It's just hard to believe
your life on earth is really through...

In Loving Memory of Esther Wong Peak Kuan
Who Went Home To Be With The Lord
on 20April 2005
May The Lord Bless Her Soul
Amitabha Buddha