Remember you... always...

Esther Wong Peak Kuan

1986-2005

If tears could build a stairway

and thoughts a memory lane

we'd walk right up to heaven
and bring you home again
No Farewell words were spoken
No time to say good-bye

You were gone before we knew it

And only God knows why.

Our heart still hurt
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No one can ever know.
But now we know you want us

To mourn for you no more
To remember all the happy times
Life still has much in store.

Since you'll never be forgotten
we pledge to you today
A hallowed place within our heart

Is where you'll always stay.

God knows why, with chilling touch,
Death gathers those we love so much,

And what now seems so strange and dim,
Will all be clear, when we meet again

someday... in the Pureland...

Dear sis,

It's been 7 years since you left us. We could still remember vividly how happy you were celebrating your 20th birthday. Everyone was there to see how beautiful you'd grown. You dressed so well, and you were excited when we sang you birthday song. You were delighted, basking under the lime light. I'm sure you had a great joy that night. Who would had ever thought, that a month later, you'd leave us... forever. I remembered sending you to the hospital on that fateful day for your usual blood transfusion.

It was just like any other ordinary day, nothing special except that you were looking forward to your coming Langkawi Thalassaemia conference scheduled at the end of April. We thought that would be a memorable family trip and everyone was so excited about the trip. You were going to give a talk during the conference. However, our dreams shattered when I received a call from the hospital on that fateful evening, 20th April 2005. Mum and I thought something must had gone amiss when we drove to the hospital to find out what the problem was. Mum was so worried and she prayed hard that you were alright, so was I. However, when we reached the hospital, the doctor broke the news that you'd left us... I dreaded to think of it again as it hurts whenever I picture you laying on the bed motionless.

However, I'm happy that you suffer no more now. We hope you've found peace and equanimity. And I know, what ever you are, what ever you are doing now, Lord Buddhas and Bodhisattvas are guiding you... always... Amitabha.

In loving memory of late

Esther Wong Peak Kuan

who has returned to Lord

on the 20th April 2005

deeply missed but never forgotten...

*Amitabha Buddha*

Ushering the Water Dragon 2012

It’s 22^nd Jan 2012. Today is the eve of Chinese New Year (CNY). We’ll send off Bunny tonighyand usher the energetic Water Dragon tonight. I wasn’t here in my hometown for CNY last year but this year, yea, I’m back… haha… I’ve been back for a week from Australia. Ever since then, mum and I have been running around town doing some last minutes shopping and preparation to welcome the new lunar year. It’s been tiring week but it’s fun. Doing shopping with mum enables me to know more about our root and family history, and of course, the latest happening (or should I say gossips) within our extended family members. Honestly, there’s no better way to chat mum than running errands with her.

I was shopping with mum in town and I came across this in an old shop. It’s the head of a dragon and it’s meant for dragon dance. The dragon head looks gorgeous, with its facial expression meticulously accentuated by the craftsmaster. Such art is hard to come by nowadays, not to mention the time and effort taken finish of this beautiful master piece. By the way, did I tell you that it’s hand-made? Dragon is an auspicious mytical creature in Chinese culture and dragon dance is performed during CNY or any other major celebrations in Chinese society.

Talking about CNY, how can one ever forget cookies? There are wide selections of cookies served in every house during CNY. From peanut cookie,love letter to pineapple tart, these are the must-have for the occasions and they happen to be my favourites too. So, these are some of the cookies we made this year.

We went to the wet market to get some food for reunion dinner tonight this morning. Man, the market was filled with heaps of people. While some may say walking in a wet market can be disgusting, with unbearable filthy air and fishy smell running into our nostrils, it revoked my childhood memories.

I’ve spent a decent amount of years growing up with the market and it sort of gave me sentiment nostalgia the moment I stepped into the market. From dry groceries to poultry products, you can find anything easily under the same roof. I remember the aunty who sells vegetables, the grandpa who sells pork, the uncle who sells fish, and not to forget the lovely grandma who sells Chinese pastries. It was like travelling back in time when I saw them. Well, of course, I see more wrinkles on their faces now.

Of all the things in Chinese culture, reunion dinner is something we treasure most in our heart. Regardless of where you are or what you do, reunion dinner is one thing not to be missed. It symbolises unity and union, and most importantly, it strengthens the family bond. It’s a gift having to eat with all the family members at the same table. Imagine how often we eat with all our family members? Perhaps not in the modern society when everyone is busy with their work. We work hard, we earn money in order to enjoy a better life but very often, we forget the very basic need of working: filling our stomach. Isn’t that what we are working for? For Chinese, a bowl of rice? While western society associates bread and butter with work, Chinese associates rice bowl with work. We eat rice, and that’s our staple diet. In fact, reunion dinner is a loose term as the exact translation should be Reunion Rice (Tuan Nian Fan). After working for a year, it’s time to sit and enjoy the fruit of our labour, the rice. And who would be the better person to share this fruit of labour with if not our family?

To my dear friends, I wish you a happy Chinese new year. May the water dragon bring you good health, success and happiness throughout the year. I’m hoping this to be a successful year for me. And my ultimate wish? I hope to see everyone dear to me healthy and happy always… Best wishes to my family…

Gong Xi Fah Chai

Chapter 2012...

Welcome 2012!!! You have arrived.... finally. I've been waiting for you so long. How was the trip so far? haha... Well, today is the beginning of a brand new year. Best wishes to my family and friends. May this auspicious new year bring joy, happiness, health and success.

It's the same old story every year... new year resolution.... new objectives.... new goals... bla, bla, bla.... I wonder what would my new year resolution be? Hmm... sounds pretty hard to tell coz each time I set a resolution, I'd never achieve it. Well, not to say I'm bad at keeping myself on track but usually as we tread we sometimes stray off the beaten track. That's what happen when you discover something interesting that you decides to take another road. That's good coz we have lots of surprises in life. You'll never know. Forest Gump once mentioned before " Life's like a box of chocolate. You'll never know what you're gonna get". As we get up each day, we look forward to the surprises and new things that await us. At the end of the day, you'll be amazed by how much discoveries are made through out the whole day and that made each day a beautiful day. Life is beautiful.

However. there are time when things don't work out as plan and that's when we need to take a step back and think should we continue treading. Or simple abandon it and take a new road? It's not an easy decision when you consider how much effort you've put into it and at the end of the day it's just not working. Come on... wake up and move on...

Well... I've decided to let fate take it course. Follow the flow of the river. Foolish it may sound but I feel that following the course of the road is more realistic. I can set high aims and hope on certain things but what if it doesn't work as plan? I've had a bad experience last year and I keep reminding myself not to repeat the same mistake. If it works, congrats... if it doesn't work, I've nothing to lose. But then again... if I don't have an aim in life, I'll never achieve anything. Ok, make it this way, lets make it more general. I'll achieve something this year. Be it big or small, it's still an achievement.

Neil Amstrong said " That's one small step for a man, a giant leap for mankind". So, my resolution? I want to make myself happy. I'll love myself more. Silly it may sound but hey, isn't it you who know yourself better? If you don't pamper yourself, who will? So, appreciate yourself more. I'll give myself a tap on the shoulder each time I accomplish something. I'll encourage the man in the mirror should I fall like a wounded soldier. We have ups and downs in life so tell yourself it's just a small hurdle. The show must go on even if the actor passes out as audience is still anticipating the conclusion, the grand finale.

So, the theme of 2012? Love yourself.... I will... and I'll never forget to tell my little heart "All is Well, All is Well...." after all, we need a little affirmation in life, don't we?

Happy New Year mate....

p/s: These pictures were taken in Nov 2011 during my trip to Melbourne with mum, bro and cecilia... I love Melbourne ^^

You Are Always on Our Mind

Esther Wong Peak Kuan
1986-2005

You Have Gone...
To Where Earth Turns Into Heaven
And A Golden Paradise You Did Find
Although We Are Happy
For Your Peacefulness
You Are Missed By Those You Left Behind
We Share Grief, Disbelief And Sorrow
Wondering “How Can This Be?”

Yet, We Are Thankful For The Memories
That Will Sustain Us For An Eternity

Dearest sis,

We miss you in so many ways,

We miss things you used to say,

Sweet memories will linger forever,

Time cannot change them... well, it's true,

And when old times we do recall,

It's when we miss you most of all,

Years that may come cannot sever,

Our loving remembrance of you.

In loving memory of our beloved sis,

Esther Wong Peak-Kuan,

Who went home with the Lord

on 20 April 2005,

Fondly remembered and never forgotten,

Amitabha Buddha

Welcome to Queensland, Australia..

I've not been blogging since May 2010 after a bitter incident. I didn't know how to continue blogging as my mind was totally blank. Suddenly I just ran out of ideas. I didn't know how to express myself anymore.

It was not until last week when a new friend of mine suggested that I should start blogging, with my new environment as a start that I begin to think " Yea, perhaps it's time to revive my blog'. So, here it is, brand new Jeremy who is currently reporting from his new niche aka new room in a foreign country.

Brisbane River

I'm no longer reporting under my bed in KL but rather reporting from Down Under, the Koala and Kangaroo land. Welcome to Australia.

Uniting Church

I arrived in Australia on the 11th of July 2010 after a memorable and poignant farewell conducted by my family members and friends. My parents were the mastermind behind the extravaganza. I should write more about that in my coming blog as there were indeed plenty of things which I would like to share with.

Brisbane City Hall

I'm currently staying in a peaceful and serene hill city called Toowoomba. This city is located approximately 1 1/2 hours drive from the river city Brisbane. Brisbane is the capital of Queensland, Australia.

Casino, formerly Treasury Building

On the first week when I arrived, I stayed with my ex coursemate aka Vincent Leong in Brisbane. Thanks to his hospitality for allowing me to bunk in at his lovely little house located at 115 Munro Street, St Lucia, Brisbane. Otherwise, I would have to sleep on the street, crawling like a shrimp during the cold winter night.

Story Bridge

Brisbane skyline at night

Thanks to Sing Yew for giving me a lift from Brisbane Airport to Vincent's house lest I would be lost, wandering around the kangaroo land like a loss soul, not knowing where to head to....

I know... but I'll wait for your final revelation, 2 years from now

It's an unforgettable Friday. Not only Malaysia failed to move to the final after being defeated by China, I've also finally got the answer which I've longed for from you.

It was an answer I expected you would tell. I've told you everything. You are kind enough to tell me yours though vaguely. I wish to ask more, I wish to know more. There are still some I've yet to find out... But perhaps it's good to let faith take its course for now. I respect your decision...

(Courtesy of Mun Li and Canon Cai)

There are many things I wish to tell from the bottom of my heart. I wish to write more but right now, perhaps I shall pause for a while. You told me that you'll reveal if I still wanna know, 2 years from now. I shall wait... coz it's the final revelation that will finally unveil everything which is left unanswered..


I shall wait... I shall...

I wish to tell you how I feel

I've been thinking a lot these days. I've tried to control my mind not to think but image of your face keeps flashing in my fragile mind, like projector playing in the cinema. It's hard not to catch a glimpse of your face in my picture album. I recall the time we dined, we watched movies, and we shopped for your new house stuffs together. I was indeed happy and delirious when I go out with you. The feelings are hard to describe. It was a mixture of excitement, fun, euphoria, spellbound, or whatever you call it. All I know is I always look forward to going out with you.

I've always thought that you would feel the same. However, lately I begin to ask myself if I've been sensing the wrong thing. I've always thought that you share the same feeling as I feel. Could I have been too sensitive that I may perhaps misunderstood? Perhaps all this while you only want to be friends? Perhaps I'm only playing my own psychology game. Perhaps it was a one side love all the while. Or perhaps you have never thought of me being your partner. Perhaps, there was nothing ever happen... Perhaps it was only me who has the feeling...

Too many perhaps... that I don't know if I should continue pursuing this. I sense that you are avoiding me alot these days. I must have landed you in an embarrassing situation all the time. If I've messed up you life a lot, shall I forget about my feelings?

It's really hard to forget and move on.... What should I do? I wish could I tell you how I feel...